1 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,500 (and Air: Sexy Boy) 2 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,400 and Sexy boy 3 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,600 and Sexy boy 4 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:53,000 and Sexy boy 5 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,000 and Sexy boy 6 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:06,700 and where are 7 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,600 and Tes h�ros 8 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:18,400 and To the bodies of athletes? 9 00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:24,000 and where are 10 00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:26,700 and Your idols 11 00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:32,000 and Mal ras�es 12 00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:35,700 Are you well skilled? 13 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,700 and Sexy boy 14 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,400 and Sexy boy 15 00:01:55,300 --> 00:02:01,100 and In their eyes dollars 16 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,800 and In their smiles 17 00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:09,900 and Diamonds 18 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:19,300 and Sexy boy 19 00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:27,500 and Sexy boy 20 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:36,000 and Oh, sexy boy 21 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:44,300 and Oh, sexy boy... 22 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:50,300 (Man) And that's the problem with denim over the past few years, 23 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,700 everyone's trying to be postmodern. 24 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,900 Sex... 25 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,900 ..muscles, denim, sex... 26 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,900 - lt's the perfect... - and Sexy boy 27 00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:18,700 l can have a sandwich and a Snickers, but if l skip the Snickers, 28 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,700 l'm one step closer to them Caterpillar boots. 29 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:27,600 Here's some news - Mandy said Nicole Gooch is chasing Christian Hobbs. 30 00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:31,600 l said that's so wrong it makes you look subnormal. 31 00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:34,700 Nicole boned off with that new bloke, proper couple - 32 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,200 they went to Chinatown on a Thursday. 33 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:41,500 - She wouldn't look at Christian. - l'd give him one. 34 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,500 Cos l don't know... it might be Nicola Blake. 35 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,200 She likes him but she never goes out. 36 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:50,600 Her dad's blind, she has to sit in and read him books. 37 00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:52,700 Or he's in a wheelchair, l dunno. 38 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,400 l would, though. l'd give him one. 39 00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:00,900 - You'd never! - Watch me! l'd give him one, 40 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,100 l'd shag him right now in front of you. 41 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,000 l met this bloke called Stuart. Stuart Jones. 42 00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:08,100 - Had sex. - No. 43 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,400 Shagged till six in the morning. 44 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,700 What? 45 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,000 Nothing. 46 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:17,700 - Are you surprised? - No. 47 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,900 - Why not? - Dunno. 48 00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:24,500 - You never said. - Just said it, didn't l? 49 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,100 - Are you seeing him again? - Oh, yeah. 50 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,000 That's brilliant, Nathan! 51 00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:33,000 Yeah, l know. 52 00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:36,900 - l'd give him one. - (Donna) l'd give him one. 53 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,500 'Cept l ain't got one to give him. 54 00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:43,200 (Bell) 55 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,600 - Ooh! - Whoo! 56 00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:57,000 (Sandra) Yeah, we're all going through with the campaign... 57 00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:59,500 Brilliant. Erm, one moment. 58 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,700 Excuse me a minute, l've just got some business. 59 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,300 Down there. 60 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,800 (Mobile) 61 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,300 - What? - His name's Michael. 62 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,300 Thank you, but the information is not relevant. 63 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,600 - (Sandra) He's married with kids. - Aren't they all? 64 00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:32,600 He's on top of me, right. And he's like, in there. 65 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,600 He's up there. 66 00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:39,200 And it's killing me, l'm tellin' ya. lt's like being stabbed by a stick. 67 00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:43,100 And it's fantastic, it's brilliant, cos it's him. 68 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:46,900 And he's looking down at me, l'm right in his eyes. 69 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:51,500 l can feel him now, l really can, it's like... 70 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:55,100 lt's like he's left a space. He's still there. 71 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:59,100 Anyway, thank you, Sandra, that'll be all. The matter is in hand. 72 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,300 'l'll string out the coffee as long as l can. Good luck.' 73 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,400 Don't need it. 74 00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:34,600 He's coming, he's coming, because of me. 75 00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:37,600 And l'm looking up at his face, it's just amazing. 76 00:06:37,700 --> 00:06:40,400 And he said it, he said he loved me. 77 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,300 And l'm not stupid, he'd say anything, he was off his face. 78 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,800 But he meant it. Just for that second - 79 00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:10,600 he loved me. 80 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:15,000 - l don't kiss. - Yeah, right. 81 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:28,700 - (Humming) - (Marcie) Psst! 82 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,700 All right, Marcie. 83 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,300 Have you met Rosalie Cotter, started Monday? 84 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:37,400 - What about her? - l can't stick her. She thinks she's it. 85 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:40,800 l said, ''There's no room for Jackie Onassis in here.'' 86 00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:44,700 She's all right. l had to talk her through the roster. She's nice. 87 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,800 - You think? - Yeah. 88 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,800 - You think she's nice? - Yes, l do. 89 00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:52,100 Brilliant, cos she fancies yer. Oh, you'll get on a storm. 90 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,100 ln the pub, end of shift, l'll have her waiting. 91 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,500 Be there, and brush your teeth. l knew it! 92 00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:02,600 - l was gonna phone for a pizza. - We had the cheese. 93 00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:06,700 We're going round to Sally Colasanto's, 94 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,700 and l'm staying the night at Donna's. 95 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,800 See ya. 96 00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:14,000 - ls that all right with your mum, Donna? - Like l didn't ask. 97 00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:17,500 You're always there. Your mother should charge him rent. 98 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,900 Thanks for the cheese, bye! 99 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,500 - See ya! - Bye! 100 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,500 We need a code word. 101 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,600 lf l phone you and say a certain word, you come and get me. 102 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:30,000 - Think of a word. - Twilight. 103 00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:33,200 l'm supposed to get ''twilight'' into a conversation? 104 00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:36,600 - Then don't go. - Oh, my God. 105 00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:39,500 l'm here. Straight pub. 106 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,700 l can't stop, l'm going in. 107 00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:46,900 What's it like? 108 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,700 - (and Country music on jukebox) - lt's all true. 109 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,200 Everything we've ever been told. 110 00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:57,100 Oh, my God! Everything but flock wallpaper! 111 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,600 Ah, and the people. 112 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:06,300 There are people talking in sentences that have no punch line 113 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,400 and they don't even care. 114 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:14,300 Can you believe it? They've got toilets in which no one's ever had sex. 115 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:19,100 (Laughs) Vince, it's been lovely, but goodbye. 116 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:23,900 We'll have a candlelit vigil in your memory. l'll put a patch on the quilt. 117 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:28,300 - l've changed my mind. Twilight! - Tough, the baby's here. 118 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,300 - Hello, Daddy. - Hello. 119 00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:33,300 What's taken so long? 120 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:38,400 Those women who rob babies from maternity wards take 30 seconds. 121 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:44,600 - Thanks. - Look after him. Bye. 122 00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:52,400 Come on, l thought it was going to be last orders waiting for you. 123 00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:54,100 Hiya. 124 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:57,300 Oh, that's right. You two have met already. 125 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:01,100 - Park yourself, we saved you a seat. - No, l'll get the drinks. 126 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,200 - Same again? - Same again. 127 00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:05,200 l'll come and give you a hand. 128 00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:08,300 - Oooh! - (Bob) Go 'head, get in there. 129 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,600 Now, you be careful. Just for once, take it slowly. 130 00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:14,900 Don't overtake, cut corners, race 131 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:19,900 or take your eyes off the road cos you're cruising boys on the pavement, OK? 132 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,800 - God, you think l'm such a twat. - (Engine starts, radio blasts) 133 00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:26,000 (Turns radio off, baby cries) 134 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:45,300 (Bob) Beam me up, Scotty. Klingons on the starboard bow. 135 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:49,100 - Your kind of thing, innit? - Wrong programme, actually. 136 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,300 Oh. What's he called, then? Stavros. (Chuckles) 137 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:57,400 - Exterminate, exterminate! (Laughs) - What was that? 138 00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:02,400 Nothing, l just sort of like science fiction stuff. 139 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,700 Doctor Who? 140 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:07,400 Yeah. 141 00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:11,900 - l never really watched it. - Well, no. 142 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:17,100 They moved it opposite Coronation Street. l mean, you've no chance. 143 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,600 l remember that. '87 to '89. 144 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:23,000 - l taped one and watched the other. - You watch the Street? 145 00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:26,100 - Course l do, yeah. - Only me Mum's given up on it. 146 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,100 She says it's full of kids. 147 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:31,600 But it's not true. l mean, Wednesday it was all Fred Elliott 148 00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:34,500 and this past fortnight it was nonstop Rita. 149 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:38,000 lt's just not true - the old ones are just as important. 150 00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:41,700 - God, you really watch it, don't you? - Yeah, l love it. 151 00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:48,300 - Why would l stop paying? He's my kid. - And there's some stuff about insurance. 152 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,500 - lnsurance for what? - Anything could happen. 153 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:56,100 - Could get run over tomorrow. - Watch out for a Ford Mondeo. 154 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,800 (Romey) And you could get ill. 155 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,900 l mean, l'm not starving or penniless 156 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,900 but, if you were out of work, l'd need something. 157 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,900 lt's for Alfred, not me. 158 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,600 - Why would l get ill? - lt covers anything. 159 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,000 - Like what? - (Romey) Anything. 160 00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:15,400 We're not talking mumps, Stuart. 161 00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:18,100 You were tested, but ten months ago. 162 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:22,200 - 40 weeks ago, 280 one-night stands... - All right! 163 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,700 (Romey) lt's for Alfred, really it is. 164 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:29,200 We've got to be sensible. 165 00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:31,700 - Fine, whatever you want. - (Baby moans) 166 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:36,100 - Course l'll have to run it past a solicitor. - l've done that already. 167 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:40,000 - And is he any good? - Yeah, l'm fully qualified, thanks. 168 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,900 (Romey) You don't mind then? 169 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:48,400 lt's...fine. 170 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:51,900 Fine. 171 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,900 The fucking bastard cunts! 172 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,900 First they want my money, then they want me dead. 173 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,400 You've got to come out, you're my friend. 174 00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,400 l'm sort of busy. 175 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,600 She's really nice. 176 00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:09,000 For fuck's sake, tell her you take it up the arse and get out of there! 177 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,400 lt's my friend, his mother's in hospital. 178 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,700 (Horn blares repeatedly) 179 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,400 lt's the exact opposite of childbirth. 180 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:38,300 First you have the baby, then you get fucked. 181 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:43,100 ln some parallel universe, l just met my wife. 182 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,500 See that lot in school, all those couples - 183 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:52,700 Robert Coles, Cathy Broderick, that lot - half of them's never done it. 184 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,600 Robert Coles was saying, he's desperate. 185 00:14:57,700 --> 00:15:00,600 They have a snog and a bit of a thing and that's it. 186 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,700 He goes home and has a wank. Town, please. 187 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:07,900 They're just kids, they're just talking. l'm doing it. 188 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,700 l'm really doing it! 189 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,100 l'm doing it. 190 00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:31,100 (and Full Frontal: You Think You're A Man) 191 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,900 and Turn around 192 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,400 and Stand up like a man and look me in the eye 193 00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,300 and Turn around 194 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,900 and Take one final look at what you've left behind 195 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,600 and Then walk away 196 00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:46,900 and From the greatest lover you have ever known 197 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,800 and Yes, walk away 198 00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:51,900 and You're telling me that you can make it on your own 199 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,500 and By yourself, all alone, without my help 200 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,700 and Mister, you just made a big mistake 201 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:01,300 and You think you're a man but you're only a boy 202 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,600 and You think you're a man, you are only a toy... and 203 00:16:04,700 --> 00:16:08,800 l bet all those lesbians queue up at her breast to drink milk. 204 00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:13,500 Of course, you know why they chose me. Cos l'm rich and handsome as fuck. 205 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,500 She said so, that fucking Lisa. 206 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,900 l'm just a gene pool to them, l'm just spunk. 207 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,300 Now, him with the collar. He went out with Jason Black. 208 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:27,000 Burst into tears, said his mother had died on the Herald Of Free Enterprise. 209 00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:30,900 Two days later, she turns up. She's been walking the Peak District. 210 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,000 - Mad as a moose. - Do single mothers get benefits? 211 00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:37,700 Or have they stopped that? l bet you they've stopped that. 212 00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,700 Ho-ho! Stand by your beds! 213 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:44,200 Have you seen, have you seen... 12 o'clock. 214 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,600 - Shit! - Behave, Stuart, behave. 215 00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:52,600 - (Phil) What? - The chicken has landed. 216 00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:56,000 His name's Nathan, all right? 217 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,500 - Hiya. - Hi. 218 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,600 - How's the baby? - Ask my solicitor. 219 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,000 - Nathan, do you want a drink? - Coke, please. 220 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,600 and Where are the men? 221 00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:20,600 and Oh, yeah 222 00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,100 and Get on outta here! 223 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,500 and You think you're a man but you're only a boy 224 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:29,100 and You think you're a man, you are only a toy 225 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:32,700 and You think you're a man but you just couldn't see... and 226 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,700 Oh, no, you don't. 227 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,400 and All together now, the ladies... 228 00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:45,700 First time we came here we were 16. Older than him. 229 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,900 How long before anyone talked to us? Ages. 230 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,600 Go on, be nice to him. But l don't mean shag him. 231 00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:54,900 Oh, give me some credit. 232 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,700 On the other hand, he is quite sweet, isn't he? 233 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,700 l don't know, l haven't licked him. 234 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,300 and ..of the Court of King Caractacus were just passing by 235 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,300 and The noses on the faces of the ladies of the harem 236 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,300 and Of the court of King Caractacus 237 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,500 and Were just passing by 238 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:15,500 - and Now, the noses... - Just in time, look at the twat in the hat. 239 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:19,000 - and ..were just passing by... - (Stuart) She needs locking up. 240 00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:22,100 - Some people have no shame. - She's like a mong. 241 00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:28,200 - That's Vince's mother. - lmagine if it was. A mong like that. 242 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,500 - Vinnie! Vinnie! - Mum! 243 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,000 Vinnie! 244 00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:37,400 - Just be careful next time. - l don't mind. She's off her head. 245 00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:40,900 We don't see much of your mother down here, Stu. 246 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,100 ls she still waiting for Golden Boy to get married? 247 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,700 My mother would kill me if she knew l was here. 248 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:51,100 When they had that lesbian wedding in Emmerdale, my mum just turned it off. 249 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,800 That's not homophobia, that's good taste. 250 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:58,100 You fucked him, so he's your responsibility. Don't go swanning off. 251 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,100 Everyone's having a go at me. 252 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:05,200 l have to live with me every day so l know l'm lovely, l'm completely lovely. 253 00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:08,300 - Danny, how's Peter? - Still dead. 254 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,900 Oh, shit. Sorry, forgot. Whoops! 255 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:17,400 and Oh, aha, make it magnificent 256 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:22,500 and Tonight 257 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,900 and Right... 258 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,800 l should try London - l've had everyone here. 259 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,700 - l'm haunted by that problem. - You haven't had me. 260 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,300 Er, there was the once. 261 00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:36,700 - No, when? - We were in his room, 262 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,500 it's not long after l came over here, so we're about 14 or 15 263 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:44,500 - and Vince has got the Radio Times... - Don't tell this story! 264 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,200 We come to a photo where we both go ''Phwoar!'' 265 00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:51,000 And it was Barry Sheene on his bike. 266 00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:53,100 ln his leathers. God, l'm shamed. 267 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:56,500 lt wasn't even black leather, it was red and cream. 268 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,900 We're going, ''Cor, look at him,'' and groping ourselves. 269 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,700 - Vince gets it out. Not bad, either. - Oh, fuck off. 270 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:09,300 So l'm giving him a wank, nice and slow, looking down at Barry Sheene. 271 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,400 - Oh, God, you've had each other! - No. 272 00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:14,300 l'm unzipping when his mother comes back in 273 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,200 and he jumps up and puts it back in his trousers. 274 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:20,000 - That was it! - lt's not sex if you don't come. 275 00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:22,100 When Sheene broke his legs, 276 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,200 Vince buys a card from WH Smith and sends it to ''Barry Sheene, London.'' 277 00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:30,900 - He was the saddest man on earth. - Barry Sheene? Showing your age. 278 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,100 - How old are you? - (Stuart) How old do you think l am? 279 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,300 33? 280 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,200 - Fuck off! - What? 281 00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:40,500 - l'm 29. - (Phil) Not for much longer. 282 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:43,800 You'll be in the bladder control clinic in six months. 283 00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:46,400 Better go for a piss while l still can. 284 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:52,100 - (Vince) l've only got three months left. - Yeah, but you don't count. 285 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,700 (Engine roars, horn blares) 286 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:59,800 - (Man) Fuck off, you twat! - (Tyres squeal) 287 00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:02,500 (and Trance techno) 288 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,500 We always get stuck with the Nathans. 289 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,900 This is typical Stuart. l'm not cleaning up his mess. 290 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:13,400 - l'm not wasting tonight on a little boy. - Oh, so he's my problem. 291 00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:15,700 Stuart's your problem, sorry. 292 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,700 Me luck's in. Dave the Builder. Don't mind me. 293 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,100 - You don't fancy him. - l need shelves putting up. 294 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,500 and ..l've heard them all before 295 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:30,600 - and A hundred times or more... - He always does this. 296 00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:32,400 He never stays in one place. 297 00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:45,100 (Modem bleeping) 298 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,800 Here's one. 299 00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:03,800 Well, turn your light off then! 300 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,900 You'll be all right, won't ya? lt's only half ten. 301 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,300 You'll get in Donna's, won't ya? 302 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:18,500 Look...he's not your boyfriend. 303 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,200 He... He just doesn't think. 304 00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:24,400 He has a laugh. He... 305 00:22:24,500 --> 00:22:28,600 He's never had a boyfriend. He doesn't do boyfriends. He's... 306 00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:31,800 Nathan, he's a cunt. 307 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,300 He doesn't give a toss about anyone. 308 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,000 Ah, finally. 309 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,100 That'll get you home. 310 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,500 You slag him off, yeah? 311 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,200 But then you follow him round all the time. 312 00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:55,100 - We go back years. - You're friends with a cunt. 313 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,400 - Yeah. - Never got to finish that wank, did ya? 314 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,600 All right, chicken, fuck off home. 315 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:17,900 Oh, yes. 316 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,700 (Computer bleeping) 317 00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:34,300 Only me, Mum. 318 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,600 Oh, give us a beer, love. Look at me, sweating like a pig. 319 00:23:39,700 --> 00:23:41,600 He's a wanker though, Stuart. 320 00:23:41,700 --> 00:23:45,900 - Every time he does it, l get stuck. - What shift are you on tomorrow? 321 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:50,600 We need a hand with these boxes. Pied Piper have been nagging for these. 322 00:23:50,700 --> 00:23:55,400 - Have you seen? Been upgraded. - They're de luxe, with jewellery inside. 323 00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:58,300 Look, l nicked one. lt's metal, it's nice. 324 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:02,700 You don't get these in newsagents. No, they're in Kendals, this lot. 325 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:07,100 Vince, you couldn't shift some of your gear in the bedroom, could you? 326 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:11,300 - l'm sort of permanent now. - The Odd Couple, they call us next door. 327 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,400 l said more of a dogs' home - waifs and strays. 328 00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:17,900 - l wanna put me plants in. Do you mind? - No. 329 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,100 l've been meaning to give you some space. 330 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:25,800 - Thanks, Vince, you're a star. - (Hazel) What's Stuart done this time? 331 00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:27,900 Nothing. 332 00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:30,900 (Buzzer) 333 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,400 Come on up. 334 00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:04,000 Here y'are. 335 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,600 l'm not buying this coffee again, it's like dust. 336 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,900 lt's still your room. He's just the lodger. 337 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,600 Anything for the car-boot sale, shove it on the landing. 338 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,500 (Knocking) 339 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,100 No, you can't do this, Nathan. l won't have it. Go home. 340 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,300 - l just want to talk. - l said go. 341 00:25:55,100 --> 00:25:58,100 l know you don't want to, and l'll go in a minute 342 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,800 - but can't l sit here for a bit? - Shit. 343 00:26:02,700 --> 00:26:06,300 Aye aye, the door was open. Your neighbour was, er... 344 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,000 - What's this about? - No, he's just going. 345 00:26:09,100 --> 00:26:11,400 - l'm busy, OK? - lt's not a threesome, is it? 346 00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:13,700 No. ls it? 347 00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,200 - No. - l don't mind. 348 00:26:16,300 --> 00:26:18,000 - He's a bit young. - Who's he? 349 00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:20,700 Nathan, this is... 350 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,300 This is Goodfuk. 351 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,300 - The name's Colin. - Colin Goodfuk. 352 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,500 - You don't even know him. - l met him on the internet. 353 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:34,900 Now, l'm going to take Goodfuk inside and check out that name, so run along. 354 00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:45,800 - Sorry about that. He's my stalker. - How old is he? 355 00:26:45,900 --> 00:26:49,700 - Dunno. 15? - What's he doing? Walking home? 356 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,900 This time of night? 357 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,200 All right. 358 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:08,500 There's whisky by the fridge and there's porn by the telly. Shelf underneath. 359 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,700 And don't you rob anything. 360 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,900 Hey, d'you mind? 361 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:30,700 l've just left my flat in the hands of Goodfuk the stranger, so don't run off. 362 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,100 l'll get you a cab. 363 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:37,000 Everyone has a go at me. Everyone. 364 00:27:38,100 --> 00:27:41,400 Just call it a lesson learnt. Don't show up at my... 365 00:27:41,500 --> 00:27:44,400 Yeah, yeah, it's on account. Stuart Jones. 366 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,800 Number 42601 . Home address, yeah. 367 00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:51,300 Quick as you can. Cheers. 368 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:56,200 You'll have anyone. He's nothing, he's no one. 369 00:27:56,300 --> 00:27:58,300 He's... He's ugly. 370 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,400 l was there. l was there all night and l really like you. 371 00:28:02,500 --> 00:28:05,200 - He doesn't even know you. - Nathan. 372 00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:09,100 l've had you. 373 00:29:00,700 --> 00:29:03,700 - l thought l'd get ready. - Yeah. 374 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:05,700 Maybe not, eh? 375 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,900 Maybe not what? 376 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,700 - Some other time. - Oh, thanks for nothing. 377 00:29:14,700 --> 00:29:17,100 Fucking hellfire. 378 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,700 What a waste of time. 379 00:29:21,900 --> 00:29:24,100 l didn't have to come here, y'know. 380 00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:26,400 l had lots of offers. 381 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,500 Thought l was on a promise. 382 00:29:30,300 --> 00:29:33,200 l never promised anyone anything.